Selfless(ness is a) Bitch.

Be kind to others, they say.
Help people.
Smile… and never curse.
Put the needs of others before your own, they say.

******

FUCK THEM, I say.
It nearly cost me everything.

I have been raised this way. To always put myself second… my wishes, my needs, my life. Everyone liked being around me, because, subliminally, they knew that they could dump their shit on me – and I would juggle.
I juggled… for a very long time.
It’s not fun to try to deal with a huge pile of dung, when all you have is a plastic kiddie shovel… and a bucket too small to even count. The stuff gets everywhere and stinks to high heaven.
I didn’t think there was anything else… I thought that was how life was supposed to be.

I always felt so tired, so drained… so exhausted.
I couldn’t figure out why, since I considered myself a good person – I did so much for other people, never asking anything in return. That’s how it’s supposed to be, right?

Voluntarily or not… consciously or not… people are leeches.
When they spot you with your ‘Use-Me-Sign’ dangling from your neck, they latch on to you… sink teeth into your flesh and start sucking. If you’re not careful, they will suck you dry.

I chose Me.
Some time ago.
I got sick of being the punching bag… the popular trash can.
I voted healthy egoism.

Now, I choose to whom I give.
Whom I open up to.
And I ask for something in return.
It’s the exchange of energies… if you pick the right person to interact with, you don’t even have to demand – the energies flow back and forth… and, in the end, will leave you both feeling recharged.

Most may not understand this… selflessness is a great thing, right? Something very highly appreciated in our society.

The question is… if you’re so selfless all your life, always put others’ needs before your own, will you still be able to enjoy your life?
To appreciate it?
Or… will it be a painful struggle; a draining tumble… until you close your eyes and go to ground?

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7 responses to “Selfless(ness is a) Bitch.

  1. I’ve always struggled with this too. “if you pick the right person to interact with, you don’t even have to demand – the energies flow back and forth… and, in the end, will leave you both feeling recharged.” <— this is the key. I don't know too many people anymore that I feel this around. It reminds me of the Celestine Prophecy — the energy stealers…

    • exactly.
      it’s hard to find them, but once you do, you’re in for an experience. 😉
      problems appear when a person you have known for a long time changes from ‘energy exchanger’ to ‘leech’… it’s a tough one, since you already lowered your boundaries for that person. hard to notice.

      • I completely(!) agree. I’ve purged so many people out of my life for that exact reason. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what causes the current to reverse flow. Knowing what did it would provide closure for me. But, I just keep thinkin’ about it, wondering, wasting my energy on it…

      • trying to understand human beings is a tricky thing. i don’t know… people are strange – and not at all reasonable. it’s a shame to lose someone, but in the end… better lose them than give yourself up. you need your energy for yourself – we don’t have enough of it for free hand-outs… not until we learn to draw from another source (which, hopefully, will be soon.)

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