Dear Cigarette (Part II),

it’s been almost two years since I last wrote to you and almost one and a half, since we separated. True, our break-up didn’t go as smoothly as I would have preferred, but after much yelling and some truly “Hulk-esque” behavior on my end to resist your (back then) very alluring nature, I finally got to kick you in the shins and run.

It would be a lie to say that I never think back to the times when you and I were still an item, but today, it’s more of an “I-can’t-believe-I-used-to-think-that-was-awesome” sort of memory — like the poop-colored corduroy pants you wore as a kid and thought were totally cool. Yes, now you fall into the same category. Neat, huh?

I know that once in a while, you still try to call me – but I never pick up, because, you know, I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
After a ton of internal struggle, it finally sank in… and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I’m better off without you.
There you have it.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

 

P.S.: You still stink. Ha.

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Dear Dishwasher,

It has been years since I last saw you and could greet you as a friend.
I think of you – think of the times I moaned and rolled my eyes whenever we had an encounter. I often pushed your buttons – and you were always forgiving.

People change.
I took you for granted and feel the need to apologize for the way I treated you. I was young and didn’t know what I was doing. I am so sorry.
Now, that you’ve been gone for so long, I can honestly say: I miss you. Dearly.

I am certain my dishes do not appreciate me invading their privacy every day – I often have to touch them in the most intimate places… it leaves us all feeling uneasy. Most of the time, we can’t even look each other in the eye afterwards… talk about awkward.

I want you to know that I can’t stop thinking about you. I saw your cousin at my friend’s house the other day – he looks a lot like you.

Perhaps one day, you will find your way back to me.
I will look for your coming.

With gratitude,
the Rueful

Dear Monday,

Why do you assume your arrival fills us with joy?

News Flash for you: most of the time, you stink.
I’d much rather be in the company of your siblings Saturday and Sunday – perhaps you could talk to them and adopt some of their character traits?
Would be much appreciated.

Please be gentle when we meet this time around. Don’t be selfish.

Regards,
The One Who Doesn’t Want To Get Up Early