Dear Cigarette,

you stink.

Once, I enjoyed when we were together. You were a good friend in times of need – always relaxing, always understanding, but for me, these times have long since come to an end.
Over the years, I have grown tired of you – but no matter how I try to show you the door, you still refuse to leave.
I will keep trying… and maybe one day, I will be strong enough to kick you out once and for all – for you, my former friend, are an unwanted guest.

Sincerely,
The Addicted

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Dear Dishwasher,

It has been years since I last saw you and could greet you as a friend.
I think of you – think of the times I moaned and rolled my eyes whenever we had an encounter. I often pushed your buttons – and you were always forgiving.

People change.
I took you for granted and feel the need to apologize for the way I treated you. I was young and didn’t know what I was doing. I am so sorry.
Now, that you’ve been gone for so long, I can honestly say: I miss you. Dearly.

I am certain my dishes do not appreciate me invading their privacy every day – I often have to touch them in the most intimate places… it leaves us all feeling uneasy. Most of the time, we can’t even look each other in the eye afterwards… talk about awkward.

I want you to know that I can’t stop thinking about you. I saw your cousin at my friend’s house the other day – he looks a lot like you.

Perhaps one day, you will find your way back to me.
I will look for your coming.

With gratitude,
the Rueful

Dear Day,

I assume you think it’s fashionable to consist of nothing more than 24 hours.

Have you ever considered a prolonged visit? Perhaps 30-32 hours would be more fitting and might even underline your qualities in a more beneficial way – plus it would give us time to tend to things that really matter.
Less isn’t always more.
Sometimes I wish you would rethink your methods and grace us with your presence a little longer than deemed necessary.

I would ask of you to think about it.
Should you be willing to consider my request, I would be more than happy to schedule a meeting with the Sun and Moon to discuss cycles. I am positive we could come to a satisfactory conclusion for all parties involved.
Thank you for your time – I know it is precious.

Sincerely,
the Rushed

Dear Monday,

Why do you assume your arrival fills us with joy?

News Flash for you: most of the time, you stink.
I’d much rather be in the company of your siblings Saturday and Sunday – perhaps you could talk to them and adopt some of their character traits?
Would be much appreciated.

Please be gentle when we meet this time around. Don’t be selfish.

Regards,
The One Who Doesn’t Want To Get Up Early

Dear Suspense,

… aren’t you selfish.
To think you have to turn up now and parade in front of me just when I thought I had everything sorted out – can’t say it’s a pleasure to see you.
Nope, it really isn’t.
I guess you need the attention – but I have to say you may have come to the wrong person seeking it.

I will do my best to ignore you.
I am not sorry for that.

Sincerely,
*I can’t heeeear you!!*

Dear Tweezers,

I am curious to find out why you always feel like disappearing when I need you the most.
I’ve been running around my apartment searching for you for quite a while now – but you seem to have learned to conjure up a magic veil, for I can’t find you anywhere. I am sure if I was real quiet, I could hear you giggling.
So, instead of continuing to wreck my apartment and visiting dark places I have probably never been before, I decided to write you this letter – maybe appealing to your humanity, or better, “metal-ity” will do the trick.
Please, do me the favor and turn up soon. I am sure you won’t like sharing a home with someone who looks like this:

tumblr_lbn0g47ngj1qexv96o1_400

(No, your disappearance won’t trigger a gender transformation, but you get the idea.)
I will be doing the dishes, eagerly awaiting your response.

Sincerely,
The Cavewoman To Be

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photo credits: sodahead.com