for my friend

how much does it take to break a human being?
how many times can a caged animal be poked and prodded, before the inner demon lends it the strength to break through the bars?

the desire for freedom is embedded in our hearts; a desire so great, so vital, that its voice can never be drowned out.

be safe, my friend.
i wish you would have had an easier path to travel.


it is a good thing coming home.

sometimes we get so tangled up in daily life; where everything seems to be so important, so pressing, so vital.
if we’re lucky, we can see and reflect on the insanity of the daily grind.
if we’re not so lucky, we get buried.
buried deep.

it is a good thing coming home.
it is a good thing to find the words still flowing, even though they have been imprisoned for a good, long while.

it is a good thing coming home.
i am grateful.


Have you ever felt… utterly peaceful?
Have you ever felt so warm inside… so calm… that you didn’t dare move, fearing it might go away?
Eventually, you did move… and you saw your fear had no substance – the feeling was still there.
It could not be taken from you so easily.

I was granted a wonderful sliver of peace yesterday… and I still draw from it, savor it – I haven’t felt like this in all my life. This feeling… it’s so delicate, fragile… and so very mind-blowing.

Someone once said to me:

“Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but you never know when beauty will just fall from  the sky and appear right in front of you.”

I do not know if this is a famous quote, if someone important said it. Honestly, I do not care.
This one stuck with me throughout the years for one particular reason… I never understood it.
Sure, I thought it was pretty… so I memorized it and wrote it down – but it never really made sense to me.

Nice words can still be empty of meaning if the recipient is blocked. You smile and nod, but there’s this big question mark hovering over your head, labeling you a retard – you wish it would just go away and leave you in peace… but that won’t happen. You have the wrong key and can’t open this freaking door that keeps you from opening your eyes for real.
It’s so frustrating.

This persistent barricade evaporated yesterday.
Vanished into thin air.
Just WOW.

Beauty did not only fall from the sky and appear right in front of me, it hit me straight in the face.
Most pleasant smack in the head I have ever gotten.
This overwhelming sensation gripped me… I do not really know how to describe it, just… incomprehensible.

I wanted to laugh…
I wanted to cry…
I wanted to stare in awe…
But most of all, I felt so thankful… through and through.
Still do.

I think I was aware that beauty is hidden in the smallest, simplest things. At least I like to believe I was. I just never expected to be so overwhelmed by something so… simple.

Words. Just words.

That was all it took to trigger this… epiphany.

I do not know if this will ever happen to me again, but the memory of this feeling will be embedded in my self. My being.
I am so grateful I was allowed to witness this.

Never stop looking for beauty in life.
You never know where it’s hidden.

You might think you know what it looks like… but if you’re still just a tiny bit uncertain, let me tell you – once you’ve truly seen it, you will know.
And you will understand.
thank you, A. from the bottom of my heart.