Beacon

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— By Jeffrey Smith

I am.
I am flesh made stone to stand against your crashing waves.
I am the Guardian – the Last Stand of hope in your world of chaos and destruction.

Years of decay have worn away my sentiment, have hardened my skin, have forced my will to battle among the clouds.
And still, I linger.
Still, I fight.

I am flesh made stone to stand against your crashing waves.

One day, my knees may bend to the force of your wrath and my body may drown in the depths of your cold embrace, but my soul will always be a beacon, shedding light across your stormy sea.

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My response to Ermilia’s Picture it & Write Challenge… grab your pen and pay them a visit!

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for my friend

how much does it take to break a human being?
how many times can a caged animal be poked and prodded, before the inner demon lends it the strength to break through the bars?

the desire for freedom is embedded in our hearts; a desire so great, so vital, that its voice can never be drowned out.

be safe, my friend.
i wish you would have had an easier path to travel.

reflection

it is a good thing coming home.

sometimes we get so tangled up in daily life; where everything seems to be so important, so pressing, so vital.
if we’re lucky, we can see and reflect on the insanity of the daily grind.
if we’re not so lucky, we get buried.
buried deep.

it is a good thing coming home.
it is a good thing to find the words still flowing, even though they have been imprisoned for a good, long while.

it is a good thing coming home.
i am grateful.

The Revelation of Disappointment

“I am disappointed in you.”

Who hasn’t heard or said this phrase countless times throughout the years?
A sentence meant to express disapproval and, to a degree, sadness, while looking at the actions (or lack thereof) of another.

It’s been a busy couple of days for me, but interesting nonetheless. Certain encounters kicked my thought process into gear – and I am thankful for that.

A couple of days ago, I witnessed a conversation between two friends, strangers to me. One stated how ‘disappointed’ she was of the other’s actions. As a reaction, the other looked down in shame, no words offered in return.
This got me thinking.

What does disappointment really mean?

appoint [əˈpɔɪnt]

1.(also intr) to assign officially, as for a position, responsibility, etc.
2. to establish by agreement or decree; fix
3. to prescribe or ordain
4. (Law) Property law to nominate (a person), under a power granted in a deed or will, to take an interest in property
5. to equip with necessary or usual features
(source: freedictionary.com)

Once we encounter a person, we push them into a certain category in our minds. First impressions matter, although categories can be switched the more we get to know the person. We rubber-stamp former strangers with our impressions.
To some people, we get attached. We start to care, while others fade into the background of our catalogue. We grow fond of them, maybe even start to love them.

Now let’s say Sassy Sandy (whom we care about) does something totally unexpected and – to our limited views – wrong. We cannot understand the cause of this action, for we expected Sassy Sandy to behave differently.
We end up feeling disappointed and let down.
Sometimes, we express our disappointment – and, if the person the disappointment was aimed at cares for us as well, we rob them of their energy.

When it comes to others, we are always led by our emotions – and sometimes our minds seem to be on a very short leash. It is almost impossible to be objective when it comes to human behavior – after all, humans are not objects.

To be disappointed really means we replace our current view of the person with another. We catch a glimpse of their character through their actions we weren’t aware of – and it is up to us to weigh the new options this reveals.
We simply replace one truth (the truth we chose to believe) with another (the truth that was unexpectedly revealed to us). This means we get to know the person even better; we get to see another character trait.
We might not like what we see, but this truth we just found is only one more puzzle piece added to the great picture of that person’s personality.

Should we really combine the revelation of truth with negative feelings?
I will keep this in mind the next time disappointment sneaks up on me.

a new dawn

she woke with the taste of blood and bile in her mouth, the crescent moon standing silent watch on the far side of the stained window.
she had survived her eclipse – her taste buds proved that much.

running shaking fingers over her damp face, she sat up, slowly. the stench of vomit and cold cigarette smoke filled the air, making her gag yet again.

resurrected, only to stare at a world of shit.
perfect.

she could hear him snoring to her left.
the sound made her convulse, made the faint taste of blood flare up, sharp and demanding. her tongue snaked out of her mouth, carefully exploring the cut in her lower lip.

again.
he had done it again.

he had promised, eyes pleading.
it had lasted a day.

slowly, she stood, careful not to make any noise. the hard, wooden floor felt cool beneath her bare feet.
silently, she gathered her clothes, her shoes, her bag… her life – still in pieces.

and to the watcher’s soft, comforting light, she closed the door behind her; bare feet leading the way to newfound opportunities.

Resolution

It is truly miraculous how pieces fall into place.

I had been spinning for a couple of days – it felt like a maelstrom, slowly building; my thoughts swirling faster and faster, until I could not follow anymore. It wasn’t a bad feeling – just too much to handle; unfamiliar. I did not consciously summon it – I guess sometimes the subconscious mind goes strange ways to lead you to your destination.

Last night, someone yelled “Stop!” into the waters – and I heard him.
Shortly after, I discovered the origin of my wild journey – in a conversation with someone I had thought to be long gone.

It was time for me to see something – the problem was, I kept looking in the wrong direction. It was situated in the past, not the present, nor future. I kept branching out, searching for answers, not knowing the problem was to be found in the roots – they had been drinking poisoned water.

I eliminated the problem.
Set it right.

The swirling stopped.
I could see myself again… the mind, clear and focused.

It is truly miraculous how pieces fall into place.
I am free to go back to the roots now… back to familiar territory.

Of Vultures, Junkies and Tragedies

We are vultures, trapped in upgraded ape costumes.
If you look closely, you might be able to see the zipper.

police-line-do-not-cross-tape-at-crime-scene-1-2000x1349

Whenever there’s something to see, give it a minute – and watch the human vultures move in.
Horrible car accident. Gawkers.
Heart attack in the park. If you’re lucky, there’s one person helping, another calling for an ambulance… the rest: Gawkers.
Are we really so attracted to the sounds and sights, the screams and blood, the yellow and black police tape?
Not only out in the open do we encounter scandals and tragedies – they are everywhere. We don’t have to go far to get our daily dose. On WordPress, it’s the same.

What would you rather read… an article with the headline “Summer Breeze and Cold Drinks” or something like “How to survive falling off the Eiffel Tower – True Story”?
I know what I’d read. Unfortunately.

redandgreencropsmallWhat is it that makes us feed on pain and suffering, on raw emotion?
Does it make us feel more alive?
Does it make us feel better about ourselves?
What is it that makes us read a post written by someone who just got dumped in the worst way possible; read through the pained outpourings of a wounded heart, close the page and think “Thank God my girlfriend/boyfriend’s so dreamy…”?
Would we have even considered reading or watching Romeo and Juliet had they survived in the end? Would Shakespeare have written it without the extra portion of drama?

We’re emotionally incapable.
At least that’s what I think.

We all run on energy. The best way to “get in touch” with large amounts of energy is to produce strong emotions. As things are, it seems we aren’t able to produce enough positive energy on our own to stay in a happy state of mind. So, we go looking for “kicks”. Something – anything – that makes us feel better about ourselves. The greater the kick, the better we feel in the end.

I do not know when we became “Emotional Junkies”, what triggered this sad and wrong facet of human behavior, nor do I really understand why we are so attracted to tragedies.

Maybe one day, we will see there are other ways to gather energy. Freebies, there for the taking, without having to feed off of each other.
Maybe one day, we will learn.

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photo credits: distinctionjewelry.com, tattoogathering.com