Dear Thoughts,

I am thankful for your manageable volume these days.
We were never friends, I know that. I came to terms with that fact years ago. Ever since, we pretty much had an ‘on-again, off-again relationship’.
For short periods of time, we were on the same page. We learned to be around each other; we got along.
But there were also phases in my life when I did not give you permission to grow so deafeningly loud — but you did not seem to care at all. You kept screaming at me, even in the middle of the night — and there was nothing on earth I could do to silence you. I kept trying to give you a voice, but you drowned and suffocated every word before it even had a chance to form.

Now, I am way better at keeping you reined in when it is needed. Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way.

In an effort to keep us both functional, happy, and well-rested (it benefits us both if you let me sleep), I will continue to try and find outlets in varying forms, so the raw force you possess (and I know you do) will not have the necessity to tackle me when I am completely off guard.

I really hope we can be friends one day.
You would be a powerful ally.

All the Best,
The (Over-)Thinker

Dear Cigarette (Part III),

this month, it has been six years since we parted ways.
I know the decision was pretty one-sided, but I never regretted (forcefully) slamming the door in your face. Back then, you did everything you could to make me come back to you; to – at least – reconsider leaving so abruptly, but fortunately, your arguments were never quite strong enough.
I do not miss you.
There were times when I missed you dearly, but those days have long been erased from my memory.
It is better this way. I do not say that I never enjoyed your company – there were days when you were the only one there to comfort me. You know how it is though – we grow and move on. I am certain you found someone new.
I hope we will never see each other again.
I do not need you anymore.

Sincerely,
The One Who Stayed Away

Dear Home,

I have not found you yet.
It feels so strange to still be drifting through life. After all these years, I still have not found my place, my purpose. I feel so restless, yet driven to move forward — even though I have no idea where my footsteps might fall because the path is hidden and it feels a bit squishy too.
I hope there is a place for me out there. Some cozy spot where I can curl up, sigh heavily, and just be myself. I am tired of wearing masks, and I no longer feel the need to hide; I have not had the urge to do so in years.
I am grateful for this.

I have found myself, but I have not found you. Yet.
Maybe you could nudge me in the right direction?
I hope I will get to you soon.

Sincerely,
The Drifter

Dear Words,

how wonderful it is to be in your company again.
It feels like being with an old friend — comfortable and familiar — and although we have not spoken this intensely in a long time, we can still finish each other’s sentences.
Sometimes, I do not even have the state of mind to miss you & it is a sad thing that I come to realize this just now, as I finally have the time to sit down and breathe.

How the world consumes us — even though we try our hardest not to let it.

I hope I will always manage to take a step back and find some breathing room — and I hope that when I do, you will always be with me… for when I cannot find you anymore, I will truly be lost.

Yours Faithfully,
The Grateful

Dear Cigarette (Part II),

it’s been almost two years since I last wrote to you and almost one and a half, since we separated. True, our break-up didn’t go as smoothly as I would have preferred, but after much yelling and some truly “Hulk-esque” behavior on my end to resist your (back then) very alluring nature, I finally got to kick you in the shins and run.

It would be a lie to say that I never think back to the times when you and I were still an item, but today, it’s more of an “I-can’t-believe-I-used-to-think-that-was-awesome” sort of memory — like the poop-colored corduroy pants you wore as a kid and thought were totally cool. Yes, now you fall into the same category. Neat, huh?

I know that once in a while, you still try to call me – but I never pick up, because, you know, I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
After a ton of internal struggle, it finally sank in… and I couldn’t be more grateful.
I’m better off without you.
There you have it.

Sincerely,
The One Who Got Away

 

P.S.: You still stink. Ha.

Dear Cigarette,

you stink.

Once, I enjoyed when we were together. You were a good friend in times of need – always relaxing, always understanding, but for me, these times have long since come to an end.
Over the years, I have grown tired of you – but no matter how I try to show you the door, you still refuse to leave.
I will keep trying… and maybe one day, I will be strong enough to kick you out once and for all – for you, my former friend, are an unwanted guest.

Sincerely,
The Addicted